Happy Birthday, love!

Happy Birthday to the one guy who has been there and endured all of the good and bad changes. I'm truly blessed to have the opportunity to be loved so much by just one sweet, faithful individual. Regardless of the countless disagreements that we've had before and will probably have in the future, thank you. Thank you for being born on this day. :)

Love me some garlic!

Dr. Oz this morning reminded me how great fresh garlic is:

• Lowers blood pressure
• prevents viruses from growing
• lowers bad cholesterol
• aged garlic has antioxidants
• CHEAP
  

I swear by this plant. I went home over winter break and the family was sick and they STAYED sick for the entire month that I was there. I, however, was only sick for 3-4 days. Can you believe it? And this is me we're talking about, I'm famous for having bronchitis for a month or two each time I catch a cold. Once I start having the first symptoms, I take a fresh clove, chew it up and swallow with a full glass of water. It really takes some getting used to, but I think it's worth it... especially since I always get prescribed antibiotics and I recently lost health insurance.

Crest 3D White -- Week 1

It all started when I thought about investing in a tube of Rembrandt's Intense Stain remover toothpaste. But since I am an independent college student (meaning I financially rely on no one except myself, not even my parents), I stood in the oral hygiene aisle wondering which other cheaper brands of toothpastes have the same exact active ingredient. And low and behold, I found that for $7 less than the Rembrandt brand, Crest's 3D White toothpaste had the same active ingredients. And here I am, trying it out. :) ...Although I do feel that I can't see a difference in my obvious tea/coffee stains. Maybe it's the flash in my camera misleading how "white" my teeth actually are? Maybe it's because I still drink 2x cups of tea/day while on this experiment? We'll see on Day 14 next week!

DAY 1

DAY 7

for some strange reason, i can't wait to hear my mother's voice this weekend.

my math teacher has a huge mullet and wears a kilt. and it's a manly woman.

it's strange

to have gone through what i have been through emotionally and physically. It's weird that as many arguments i have had and as many tears that i have and continue to shed...i really don't want to leave my family. I have tasted the fruit of mindless youth and spontaneous social spheres. But the comfort and security of family doesn't seem to compare. Being away was good, it helped me realize how important i am to my family and how much they value me. A traditional family with traditional values is sometimes overlooked and really, they are the only people who i know will have reliable honesty and consideration. I think my absence has made them eager to be less tense and insecure. Maybe, just maybe, i have misunderstood their insanity for over-protection and fear of my safety as their daughter and big sister. People always come and go, but family will always be there. What's on my mind right now is that i want to be a little more close to home, but not necessarily under the same roof. [ posted from my LG Rumor Touch ]

A MAKEUP MUST TRY!

Damn I hardly wear mascara because it's a bitch to take off at night. At the moment, I'm currently using Almay's (the only other hypoallergenic cosmetic company than Physician's Formula) Intense iColor (there's nothing intense about it really, I just bought it because of its hypoallergenic promises). But I am dying to try L'Oreal's Voluminous Million Lashes mascara. I love how the brush has so many bristles on it and it looks like it's the answer to my tiny, faint sorry lashes I have naturally. I've never had a mascara that had a rubberized brush, so I think I'll make L'Oreal my first and hopefully my allergies will be okay.

they fear the sincerity underneath...

let's just hide and try to stop time

One of those nights

where I want to sneak out to the grocery store, pickup a few ingredients and just bake a whole bunch of deserts. Chris believes that I'm unhappy with something, most likely with the stage I am at in my young adult life. Most people my age are caught up on fitting in and having an overly active "social" life. But I honestly don't have a need for those things, I feel like "indulging" in such things isn't the answer I need to fill the absence I feel in me. I feel like I need to refocus my life and find something to be passionate about and stand up for. Each time I feel down, I feel like that one episode of Lizzie McGuire (before Hillary Duff got hair extensions and boobs and it was okay to watch Disney) where she's crying and her mom wakes up to her baking brownies along with all sorts of pies. Until I figure out what my purpose is.... tomorrow, I'll check my bank account balances and see if I have enough to splurge on a couple of things for a fresh blueberry pie.

Too good to be true.

Just because something sounds good, doesn't necessarily mean that it is. I decided to not take the RA job... it was hard for me to admit to myself that my heart wasn't really interested, but I finally reassured myself after 24 hours of contemplating. Being an RA sounds like a great job on paper, but the reality of it is just a load of bullshit. I have many RA friends and I have read the job description several times. But when I declined it last summer, I thought that was the end of it. Every time I ask the dorm RAs what it's like, all they respond with is, if you're doing it for the money, DON'T DO IT. I watched them all of last year and the stresses they go through and the slave-like tendencies the job has. How they have to bring walkie-talkies to class and if unanswered, you may face suspension. One of my RA friends was in Bio with me. We were doing a dissection and her phone rang, but she didn't answer because her hands were dirty. She got suspended and ended up getting fired because of class conflicts. This was last spring. It's funny because the director on the phone claimed that they will work around my class schedule, yet he contradicted himself when his tone of voice changed when I said I had class during the weekly mandatory meetings.

Although I felt like this was a great opportunity, there were just too many negatives. Managing three floors at the dorms. Dealing with potential suicides (there were two last year). Writing people up for noise (bound to happen everyday). Doing programs that no one will attend (let's get real, I never attended any as a dorm resident). Sure there was "free" housing and meals, but the 24 hour shifts, walkie-talkies, and three floors of freshman and sophomore madness that it really didn't seem like worth that large sum of money. And even then, the director (very) briefly mentioned that I "may not" get a full refund for spring semester housing. That right there was a red flag in itself. NOT ONLY THAT, I would have to move out of my current house the same day that I fly back. I hate moving, so fuck it. Plus I hate the idea of enforcing ridiculous rules that I, myself, break continuously. (sleepovers!)

So... although it deeply pains me to reject the opportunity to grow on people skills and leadership, slaving away and inevitably missing class just didn't seem worth it. However, I am still strongly considering finding a job for the semester. Just one that is better suited to my school schedule. :)

Random call

from school about a job as an RA???????????????????????? I am so caught off guard because when I saw the number, I thought it was just another one of those calls where the school tests their messaging systems. Anyway, the director is giving me until Wednesday to give a yes or no. WHAT DO I DO? :o

Why am I so

Obsessed with reorganizing my monetary budgets?
Numbers have to be lined up correctly.
Typed out.
No, handwritten!
Computed and graphed on Excel.
No, slapped into a draft in Gmail!
...NO, HANDWRITTEN ON A NOTECARD.
Months should be highlighted.
...No, in different colors!
Quick and to the point gets the budget done faster.
NO, must be detailed so I can go back and track spending habits!
Buy a leather journal and transfer all previous budgeted months.
...Print it out and glue it in?
No, HAND WRITE THEM!
Categorize everything in different colors.
FUCK PEN OR PENCIL?? ...Pen so the ink doesn't fade. FUCK. NO WHITEOUT.
Pencil.

*sigh*

I am...beautiful.

Lazy, stressful Sunday with no makeup on and learning to love myself.

And just like that

I noticed today is the first day I really, and I mean really-really-really started stress eating again. And I didn't realize this until right now at this second when I was eating dinner and was thinking about my day while zoning out to People's Magazine (I coincidentally flipped a page and there was a Jenny Craig ad). Today did not begin well... from the moment I woke up until late afternoon. It has all been an angry and panicked hopelessness. *sigh* I had JUST purchased a new pair of jeans yesterday to replace an old, ripped pair that I had (obviously when I was trying on jeans in the dressing room was where I saw I had dropped a pant size).

I don't want to gain it back... :( Visiting home for longer than a week is like yo-yo dieting or something.

Deuces.

Today's shock

Is that I unknowingly went down a pant size! And I haven't even really been trying! Maybe it's a combination of being more calm and not stress eating. Maybe leaving home for college was a good decision for my health after all?