How does one express their sense of insignificance? With life, love, friends, and everything else that we believe is supposed to make us feel whole? And when it comes to the point that enough bravery, guts, and gloomy glory has been gathered... there is no one there to unleash yourself for. No one who will reassure your significance in their life. No one who will listen and help create an idea or plan of action for change. Change. Why is change so often spoken of, yet never enforced? Accepted? Maintained? Why is love exchanged for lust? Why is trust traded with guilt? Having the willpower to speak up is brave, but expecting a different outcome each time is idiocy.
Am I the idiot?
More could be said, but less would be understood.
Peace and acceptance could be done, but shedding tears is a truer reality.
Or at least it is mine.
More wants to be said, needs to be said. But the words seem to hold no value. No price. No significance.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Finances...
I'm not as stressed out as I used to be. I think the idea of not being able to afford anything has settled in and my "eh, whatever" morale has finally come. I've been trying all day to e-sign what was left of the loans, but I guess their servers are still down.
I also keep writing down how much a year of college will cost and guess what, I keep losing the paper! So I figure I can just post it here and not worry about if I threw it away or not.
San Francisco State Univ.'s Cost of Attendance is $22,158/year or $11,079/semester.
Break down (per semester):
Registration Fees ...$2,034
Books ......................$867
Housing+Meals ......$5,985
Personal Expenses $1,557
Transportation Ex...$636
Total........................$11,079
But what they don't stress to everyone is that the COA is an estimate and not every student will spend the same amount in transportation and personal expenses. I thought it was sad because instead, they stress you out (or least I was) on having enough to cover fees. You have no idea how many e-mails and letters I've gotten in BOLD RED CAPS saying my admission will be revoked if fees aren't covered.
Another stress was the amount of loans I almost took out. If I hadn't realized that the COA was an estimate, I would have probably taken out an extra $2,503 in loans, which excludes the borrowing fees and the accruing monthly interest.
Available moolah: $19,655/year or $9,828/semester
Break down (per semester):
US Grant/Scholarship...............................$2,675
SFSU Scholarship.....................................$1,677
US Academic Competitiveness Award....... $350
Financial Need Grant................................ $776
Work Study............................................ $2,000
Perkins Loan (interest after grad.)......... $600
Subsidized Loan
(interest paid by gov't while in school)... $1,750
Total Aid .....................................................$9,828
So I figured I should add up all the important things (registration fees, books, housing) and subtract it from the available moolah.
$9,828-$8,886= $941
$941/2 items (personal & transportation) = $470.50
$470/4 months in Fall semester ~ $117
So $117 is how much I would have for each. I thought about this and I'm really thinking I wouldn't be using the bus much. Not $100 worth anyway. I was thinking to cut it down it $50 and give myself $150 for personal expenses (pads, FOOD, etc.). Well, what do you think? The financial aid office said I could take out the other loans I was granted at any time. The ones I declined are tricky and I really don't have the means to pay for the interest on those.
Moments like these are when I wish I had loaded parents. lol, My journey to weight loss begins!
I also keep writing down how much a year of college will cost and guess what, I keep losing the paper! So I figure I can just post it here and not worry about if I threw it away or not.
San Francisco State Univ.'s Cost of Attendance is $22,158/year or $11,079/semester.
Break down (per semester):
Registration Fees ...$2,034
Books ......................$867
Housing+Meals ......$5,985
Personal Expenses $1,557
Transportation Ex...$636
Total........................$11,079
But what they don't stress to everyone is that the COA is an estimate and not every student will spend the same amount in transportation and personal expenses. I thought it was sad because instead, they stress you out (or least I was) on having enough to cover fees. You have no idea how many e-mails and letters I've gotten in BOLD RED CAPS saying my admission will be revoked if fees aren't covered.
Another stress was the amount of loans I almost took out. If I hadn't realized that the COA was an estimate, I would have probably taken out an extra $2,503 in loans, which excludes the borrowing fees and the accruing monthly interest.
Available moolah: $19,655/year or $9,828/semester
Break down (per semester):
US Grant/Scholarship...............................$2,675
SFSU Scholarship.....................................$1,677
US Academic Competitiveness Award....... $350
Financial Need Grant................................ $776
Work Study............................................ $2,000
Perkins Loan (interest after grad.)......... $600
Subsidized Loan
(interest paid by gov't while in school)... $1,750
Total Aid .....................................................$9,828
So I figured I should add up all the important things (registration fees, books, housing) and subtract it from the available moolah.
$9,828-$8,886= $941
$941/2 items (personal & transportation) = $470.50
$470/4 months in Fall semester ~ $117
So $117 is how much I would have for each. I thought about this and I'm really thinking I wouldn't be using the bus much. Not $100 worth anyway. I was thinking to cut it down it $50 and give myself $150 for personal expenses (pads, FOOD, etc.). Well, what do you think? The financial aid office said I could take out the other loans I was granted at any time. The ones I declined are tricky and I really don't have the means to pay for the interest on those.
Moments like these are when I wish I had loaded parents. lol, My journey to weight loss begins!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
College: What I REALLY Want
Alright, so I have never asked or said what I wanted (in terms of luxury living) for my dorm. I've been pondering light storms on how I could keep my tea regime in the dorm room. And then it struck me. An electric kettle. I thought of it while in the bathroom washing my hands, funny, I know. I hoped and prayed that such a thing existed. And apparently it does, especially in Europe! America was just slow to catch up (go figure).
I found one on Amazan.com for under $20. It's cheap and gets the job done and I love the idea of it because it boils water, meaning it's versatile and I'll be able to make other things like ramen and oatmeal!
It must be a great product because it has 400 customer reviews and it still maintains 4/5 stars. I really, really want this! Ahhhhhhh! Going away gift, anyone???? :(
I found one on Amazan.com for under $20. It's cheap and gets the job done and I love the idea of it because it boils water, meaning it's versatile and I'll be able to make other things like ramen and oatmeal!
Product Description
Housed in a smooth, modern-looking design, this 1000-watt electric kettle rapidly boils up to 1 quart of water for coffee, tea, instant soups, and more. The unit features a detachable cord and a nonspill spout for graceful serving, plus a generous handle with a secure grip. Its immersed heating element provides a rapid and quiet heating process, making it ideal for the office, home, or college dorm. Dual water-level indicators allow for convenient filling, and the unit's easy-open lid is designed with a security lock to prevent spilling. And there's no need to worry about leaving it on, the kettle automatically shuts off when the water boils, and its boil-dry protection keeps the unit from boiling when there's no water left
It must be a great product because it has 400 customer reviews and it still maintains 4/5 stars. I really, really want this! Ahhhhhhh! Going away gift, anyone???? :(
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Midnight Tricks
OK--so it's not quite midnight... hell, it's almost 1AM. I've been looking around, reading reviews on Windows Vista (may buy a cheap laptop for school, but Vista is the only option as an operating system). I love Windows XP Professional, especially now with its sturdy Service Pack 3 (yes, I am indeed aware of Windows 7 coming out in October, but I can't wait that long). So all this reading and asking around on Vista's performance, I was really diggin' the look of it. And so here I am, satisfying my curiosity on tweaking my desktop...
Before the "hunt"
After the "hunt"
I feel so dorky, lol. As far as Vista goes, it's kind of 50/50 on its stability. People who have reliable inputs say it's alright and will "grow" on me. I think I'll consider it and return the OS and go back to XP if it doesn't work out. I just really hate the common note that, "Vista uses a lot of resources to function."
Meh, let's just hope I even have the financial means to make such a purchase. (It's free to window shop, right??!)
Before the "hunt"
After the "hunt"
I feel so dorky, lol. As far as Vista goes, it's kind of 50/50 on its stability. People who have reliable inputs say it's alright and will "grow" on me. I think I'll consider it and return the OS and go back to XP if it doesn't work out. I just really hate the common note that, "Vista uses a lot of resources to function."
Meh, let's just hope I even have the financial means to make such a purchase. (It's free to window shop, right??!)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Classes!
Job hunting has been negative... I doubt I'll get a job, considering that I have an internship for two weeks at the end of July.
So I was looking at my classes and was confirming the schedule or whatever. So it looks like this:
Mondays & Wednesdays: Political Science 10-11a; English 1-3p
Tuesdays & Thursdays: Philosophy 9-11a; Math 12-2p
Fridays: Political Science 11a-12p; English 1-3p
I suppose it looks good? On Monday mornings, classes don't start until 10am, which is great for weekend recovery right?. I always have a break at 12pm...for an hour! And no classes after 3pm. Yesssss.
No luck on finding a roommate, though. I have until July 2nd to submit a preferred roommate. I don't want some random drunktard! =(
So I was looking at my classes and was confirming the schedule or whatever. So it looks like this:
Mondays & Wednesdays: Political Science 10-11a; English 1-3p
Tuesdays & Thursdays: Philosophy 9-11a; Math 12-2p
Fridays: Political Science 11a-12p; English 1-3p
I suppose it looks good? On Monday mornings, classes don't start until 10am, which is great for weekend recovery right?. I always have a break at 12pm...for an hour! And no classes after 3pm. Yesssss.
No luck on finding a roommate, though. I have until July 2nd to submit a preferred roommate. I don't want some random drunktard! =(
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Gradu-what?
I know it has been a while since I have made an entry. So some big things have happened... I don't really feel like typing each play-by-play. So I'm going to just give you the gist of it all.
On May 20th, I went to the Salute to Excellence Banquet. Some of you probably already know about it, but I know there are some people who are very dear to me who have no clue. Out of 3,600 graduating seniors in San Diego County, 83 were chosen for being in the top 1% of their class. I got a cool medal, certificate of achievement, and a fancy pen. I felt kind of bad because I didn't really have any emotion about it... but that doesn't mean I didn't care. At first, I didn't think it was real lol. Anyhow, the school was very excited because I was their first student to ever receive such recognition.
Then there was graduation rehearsal, finals, had my last newspaper meeting (more like a party and passed out certificates of appreciation to a select few). Alright, so the funny thing that happened was that I while I was walking to get my medal at the Salute to Ex., I found out I was valedictorian of my class. So of course I was like, "...what?" When did this happen! And what a crappy way to find out! Anyhow, from then on, I accepted it and chose to give a speech. At first I didn't, but it wasn't the right thing to do. I mean, who's had a valedictorian and NOT have a speech? I certainly didn't want to be the first senior to do that. :\
It sucked because most people get their entire second semester to write it. Oh well, I made one up in a few weeks.
On graduation day, the seniors and a few teachers went out to have a Mexican styled breakfast in an old part of San Diego. My feet hurt, I was mostly either barefoot or in heels. The food WAS GOOD, I had Chorizo con Huevos and orange juice.
Alright, so before graduation, the school had a barbecue and Sharp Hospital TV crew was walking around filming. It was weird because I kept hiding and they kept trying to film, "the big shot." They finally got me and I said my blah blahs.
It was time to "walk" and some of the admin forgot that I got a yellow chord to wear which signifies honor students. Only about 2-3 students got one, so I felt extra special. :-P
Anyhow, I had no idea so it wasn't like I could have reminded them. Who forgets that?
OK--so here's the speech. The video was crap, so I separated the audio from video.
On May 20th, I went to the Salute to Excellence Banquet. Some of you probably already know about it, but I know there are some people who are very dear to me who have no clue. Out of 3,600 graduating seniors in San Diego County, 83 were chosen for being in the top 1% of their class. I got a cool medal, certificate of achievement, and a fancy pen. I felt kind of bad because I didn't really have any emotion about it... but that doesn't mean I didn't care. At first, I didn't think it was real lol. Anyhow, the school was very excited because I was their first student to ever receive such recognition.
Then there was graduation rehearsal, finals, had my last newspaper meeting (more like a party and passed out certificates of appreciation to a select few). Alright, so the funny thing that happened was that I while I was walking to get my medal at the Salute to Ex., I found out I was valedictorian of my class. So of course I was like, "...what?" When did this happen! And what a crappy way to find out! Anyhow, from then on, I accepted it and chose to give a speech. At first I didn't, but it wasn't the right thing to do. I mean, who's had a valedictorian and NOT have a speech? I certainly didn't want to be the first senior to do that. :\
It sucked because most people get their entire second semester to write it. Oh well, I made one up in a few weeks.
On graduation day, the seniors and a few teachers went out to have a Mexican styled breakfast in an old part of San Diego. My feet hurt, I was mostly either barefoot or in heels. The food WAS GOOD, I had Chorizo con Huevos and orange juice.
Alright, so before graduation, the school had a barbecue and Sharp Hospital TV crew was walking around filming. It was weird because I kept hiding and they kept trying to film, "the big shot." They finally got me and I said my blah blahs.
It was time to "walk" and some of the admin forgot that I got a yellow chord to wear which signifies honor students. Only about 2-3 students got one, so I felt extra special. :-P
Anyhow, I had no idea so it wasn't like I could have reminded them. Who forgets that?
OK--so here's the speech. The video was crap, so I separated the audio from video.
Graduated!
Now I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Trying to find a job, but having difficulties because no one wants to hire someone who can only work 2 months. Hopefully, if God willing, I'll be able to pay off the $1,4000 deposit for the dorms at San Francisco State. I have $560 now...only $840 to go. Grawwr.
Now I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Trying to find a job, but having difficulties because no one wants to hire someone who can only work 2 months. Hopefully, if God willing, I'll be able to pay off the $1,4000 deposit for the dorms at San Francisco State. I have $560 now...only $840 to go. Grawwr.
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