Checking in.

I know lately I've been really upset and losing all hope, but I'm waking up in a better mood these past couple of days. It seems that I'll have a huge break down, take a picture of my poofy-reddened eyes and stare at it for a week. And this time, I actually shared one of them. I also noticed that I'm more prone to these break downs if I have side projects going on at school or whatever else I got going on and dad comes along and just ruins it. Yes, he expects me to drop school or work and put him on a pedestal. His work is "more important."

Anyway, I'm back to ignoring how he makes me feel and another thing that's helping is that I haven't really seen or spoke to him since I was in the ER last week. Walk past him, and go to my room in hopes he doesn't say anything to me.

So the ER determined that I have an "undiagnosed chest condition." Meaning it could either be my heart or lungs and I haven't gotten my Medi-Cal insurance solidified yet to do further diagnostics. People say my health insurance sucks, but it's better than no insurance. What can I do, it's free government insurance until I can find my own real insurance. So far, I'm clear of Deep-Vein Thrombosis and the doctor gave me the OK to return to birth control to regulate my dying uterus (periods every other week). But I think I need to change it to something else. There's something in this medication that makes me sicker than what I am and I certainly don't want to have a stroke two years from now.

I'm scared. But I'm just going to have to keep smiling for now.