On This Tuesday...

Semi-brief update:

School ended June 16th, but I enrolled in two classes at the local community college. I took American History 109 and Health 101. History was full of BS, but somehow I managed to pull a 'B.' I didn't care because I hated it so much, I just wanted to pass since I already have A's in everything else. My college GPA is down to a 3.81 and so far I have earned 16 units. I suppose I should feel accomplished, but at the same time, I think I could have done better. I officially began summer break August 8th, however, I will return to school after Labor Day on September 2nd. It never ends, especially if you want to get ahead in the "real world."

I happened to accomplish most of the agenda I had set out in the last post. I'm fairly admiring the layout. It's the first time I used vector masks in Photoshop effortlessly. But I left out one thing. Yup, number one: rest up. I feel like it is my duty, but I feel so tired of my family. I don't want to sound so selfish, but I feel robbed of any "me time." I can't even do something towards personal things, like get a job. At the moment, I am also hurt and disappointed in my sisters. They know what they did and I don't want to speak of it. It feels like it's beyond words. I don't know. It seems that the more I help around here and obey, the more I want to delay time in having a family of my own.

Today: Although I was able to spend time outside and go out to the movies to see The House Bunny with Jenna, I still feel tightly scheduled. It may have been two to three hours, but the things that happened before and after just didn't really make it feel as rewarding as it could have been. Beforehand, mom comes bursting in my room to wake me up, no good morning or anything. And I hate waking up that way. I absolutely hate it because all day I drive here and there with no money of my own, no please or thank you. Just constantly a busboy and chauffeur. After I got home, I tried to get ready to go to Jenna's as calm as possible (otherwise my anxiety will kick in and my hands will tremble viciously). But dad began complaining about why I haven't designed/made a letterhead for one of his clients. I reassess myself and fix it as calmly as possible. I fix it and leave as soon as possible. Spent time with Jenna, relaxed a bit, laughed a bit, I basically enjoyed her company. Afterward, I came home. I went to the bathroom and almost started yelling about the trash overflowing, but I didn't. I decided to take a hot shower. I reach into my dresser and notice my journal is missing. I look in other drawers and realize something: this isn't where I left it before I left. Long story short, I'm very hurt and disappointed that respect and privacy isn't something that is exercised here. It was the last straw that blew my fuse. I think I was so bothered by it that I am completely, utterly indifferent. Just simply extreme oblivion. I suppose I can also describe it as a feeling of... emptiness.

I'm going to try to reassure myself and make myself more at ease by watching something.

Boy. What a day.

The pre-update post

Okay, so I suppose I'm finally out for summer in terms of doing things academic related. My agenda at the moment:

1) rest up because feeling tired so easily lately
2) clean room
3) update blog layout
4) make a new entry

A lot has happened, too tired to tell.

Until next time!

- Mai

Depressed

I feel so frustrated and tired. I'm literally mopey and listless. I'm partially upset because of my god damn math homework. I don't know why I have some sort of fear/intimidation of math, but I wish it'd stop. I just don't understand this section of finding the LCM of polynomials/trinomials. For the first time this school year, I didn't do my homework. I've decided to not do the math homework assigned today and try to see if I can get the volunteer tutor to clarify what my teacher attempted to teach me. Worth the effort, I guess. *sigh*

Obstetrics Rotation

I can't believe it's been months since my last entry, especially with my usual habits of blogging nearly everyday. OK, so last Tuesday I got promoted to level 2 intern and so I'm not doing different rotations throughout the hospital anymore. I get to decide on an area of concentration and of course, I have chosen the O.B. department. I must say, you really do have to be born to do something because O.B. is the opposite of all the complaints I heard from other interns. It's great. Sure, it's bloody, gross, and some women are cranky. But if you put 2 and 2 together, you can understand that these women are scared and in pain.
Yesterday, I realized how quickly you can tell the difference between a perfectly normal delivery from one that's a little concerning (despite that the baby was fine). I guess it doesn't take much of a brain surgeon to see if something is wrong with a uterus. Anyway. I almost cried... this one couple was truly touching. They were obviously having their first because while the mother pushed, she kept crying out, "oh my God...oh my God... we're having a baby! A baby!" When the baby was born she and her husband cried and kissed like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately, I feel little uncomfortable around the nursing students there. Mostly because I feel pure hate coming from them. Why? I suppose it's because they're finishing up their degree and here I am, a young high school student, observing the same things they are.

Winter Break, bitches!

Maaaan, it's finally Winter Break (technically, Christmas Break, but the Whites don't wanna feel like they're religiously discriminating...). Although I have term papers due for my college classes after the break, I'm glad that I don't have to be in school everyday for 10 hours. I'm so busy and tired, that when I get on the computer to work, I don't even sign in MSN Messenger anymore (IMing seems to distract me and cause HW time to delay). Once I'm through, I don't feel like chatting. I don't know... I don't have that yearn for instant messaging anymore ever since I've become busy with school and hospital internships. It feels like I'm slowly locking my nerd-girl away and leaving the workaholic student out more consistently. And now that I have somewhat of a break, I don't want to deal with electronics. I suppose it's because I use them so much for working that I also want a break from them, too.

School is going OK, I guess. My teachers like me (thank God) and my peers respect me. My college classes are coming to end and I will have to decide on additional classes for the Spring semester. I will be taking Anatomy and Physiology 101 and Infection Control 100 in Spring, but I'm considering taking Multimedia 101 as an elective because I currently have none whatsoever. One of the counselors also told me that I am allowed to take summer classes at the college, how fantastic is that?! They're paying for 12 units during the school year and 6-8 units during the summer session. I'm really excited for that, I'm thinking to take college Spanish since they make you take two years of it anyway. Less classes once I'm a full time college student, right? Not to mention less class costs, too.

Although I'm hoping for a 3.8 or 3.9, my current GPA is 3.66, but I feel accomplished in a way. I remind myself that I'm taking more rigorous courses than most high school students and a lot can't maintain a GPA of that sort. This school year is pretty good, my mental stability is much better and I'm getting San Diego State Univ. to pay for some of my Mesa College classes.

I'm very thankful for what I have. :-)

P.S. Two weeks ago while I was in my OB rotation, I absolutely loved it. I got to stand right beside an OB doctor deliver a baby and perform stitches along the vaginal wall and opening (the patient also looked like her uterus collapsed...). Sure it was "gross," bloody, and incredibly messy... but after that day, I felt like I really am made for that department. That one guy who said that OB was a terrible place and a nightmare, my experience was the complete opposite. It showed how amazing births are and how complex the female anatomy is. Our gender is so much more special than guys. Definitely. :-P What made the day even more interesting, was that as my mentor's patient gave birth, a death was announced over the intercom in the Cardio Lab. One of my classmates was there, witnessing it. And if you think about it... while that person was breathing their last, another was inhaling their first.

...Pretty amazing, eh? XD

Until next,
<3

Success.

Those people on the hair forums were right, there is no set mix because everyone is different... so everyone will have their own formula. I finally found a mixture/regime that my hair loves.

My natural hair type: Between 4A and 4B... my hair type is the most fragile, delicate, and prone to breakage

Oil Mix: 2 drops 100% Ylang Ylang Oil, diluted with 60mL 100% Cold Pressed EVOO (for intense moisturizing)

Shampoo/Conditioner: Add 1-2 tbsp. of clover honey, massage and let it sit for 5-10 minutes

Flat iron: Using Avocado Oil as I press my hair seems to keep it moist as well as shiney

If you haven't noticed, all the oils that ended up working for me were the ones that met the problems my scalp had. I always had sensitive skin and could easily develop eczema or psoriasis basically anywhere. Although I had special soaps and lotions, I could never find a shampoo or hair moisturizer that worked for my hair as well as my scalp conditions. I'm so glad I found Ylang Ylang essential oil and after I did more research, I was like, "err duh!" Beforehand, I tried oils that tried to either dry or hydrate my scalp (i.e. Rosemary oil to hydrate). But Ylang Ylang works to balance sebum production, which has given me by far the best results I've seen. Plus, it lowers high blood pressure and depression.
Avocado oil is pretty good, too. It's full of healthy Omega fats and vitamins, which my hair loves because it combats the drying and other damages that are caused by flat ironing.

Picture Update: My hair isn't too dry or shiney from being too oily :-)

I also did Nora's hair out of boredom. I used Avocado oil on her because it's not as expensive as Ylang Ylang, she has no scalp conditions, and her hair is already long. Her hair is usually just frizzy and dry. (I curled her hair, too just for fun lol.)

Her hair loves Avocado oil, it's so black and soft. I wish my hair would curl that nicely with the iron...

Until next time!

<3

Oppress

To realize in the end that the true reality is when you're all alone. Notice that when there is no one you can go to, no one to call, no one to expect... displays whether or not you really live in loneliness. The truth in life is when everyone is gone and you can't think of anyone to be with, speak to, or see. True loneliness especially exists when the rules to living daily life supports such a habitat. The reality of it all bleeds through when you find comfort in being face down upon the carpet, feeling the pain in your chest pump through your eyes and burn your cheeks. Is the real goal in life to survive such loneliness, or contemplate ways to solve it? You lay there trying, but your cheeks burn regardless.