These past few days I have been feeling rather insecure. Maybe it is because summer seems to have surfaced, heat waves have flourished... and everyone is enjoying their thin, light summer attire.

Most of the things in my closest are heavy and dark. Better to cover and hide my flaws.

Earlier today, I lurked H&M in attempt to use the $6 discount card from my Wrapp app. Of course my excitement quickly wilted as soon as I went to the dressing room with my very few desired items (thanks to them not carrying anything more than mediums and very, very few large sizes... extra large does not even exist there).

Felt so big.

Nothing hugged me flatteringly.

Oh and I have also learned why my parents "trust" me so much while I am away from their home and they reassure their friends in confidence that I am incredibly religious and have committed the littlest of sins. Apparently their confidence stems from the belief that males will not be interested in a chubby girl.

...And apparently my thinner siblings, the apparently "more attractive" offspring, cannot move out. Oh but I can.

So yes. I have been feeling insecure and hating my existence. Blah.

No smoking, please.

You have just told me you consumed 15 cigarettes today. You have also admitted that "one pack" a day is your norm lately.

"Lately" for all I know anyway. Knowing you, you could have been doing this for ages and have been hiding it from me.

After I left this morning, I requested that you try to live a healthier life since I have noticed the loud rattling noises coming from your lungs as of late. Eagerly inhaling so many doses of pollutants has convinced me that I will become a widow at a young age. A widow who has incurred massive debt thanks to your stubborn ways. I have become reacquainted with feelings of immense disappointment... and most bothersome... feelings of uncertainty of our future together as an item. The stench of excuses on top of excuses spew out from those carcinogenic lips. I feel submerged in foolery. How do I know that my efforts are a wise investment? No one is perfect, I am trying to be aware of this.

But... is this not going overboard?

I'm back.

For some reason I have found myself to return to Blogspot. Tumblr is great and all, but I could not find myself to see it as a medium for blogging. I have given it a chance. No I probably will not discontinue using it... but if I am bored, on the toilet... most likely in a public place, I will take a stroll through Tumblr and nose my way through what others wanted to publicize.

I miss writing my thoughts. I am not sure why I do. Maybe I am intimidated by how many people in real life... that I know face-to-face actually read my Tumblr? Perhaps I prefer the lack of fame and invisibility I get to have on an actual blog forum? Tumblr feels like a Facebooker's attempt at blogging without words. Ha. Facebook. Tumblr. I am on neither often.

Whatever. We'll see how this facade of mine lasts.